What 40 Years of Listening Has Taught Me About Runaway Youth
By Melanie Heitkamp, LCSW | Executive Director Emeritus, Youthworks
Every November used to be called Runaway Prevention Month. And it made sense at the time. When young people leave home without permission, it’s scary. It’s risky. It can put them in real danger. Of course, we want to prevent that. But over the years — especially after listening to youth and families again and again — we’ve learned something more: preventing a behavior doesn’t change the conditions that created it. If we really want to help youth stay, we have to understand why they run.
That’s why we now call this Youth HOPE Month — and I believe it’s one of the most important shifts we’ve ever made. Because the truth is:
- Running away isn’t just a behavior — it’s a signal.
- What youth are missing isn’t discipline — it’s connection, safety, and belonging.
- And what they and their families most often need in these moments is not punishment — it’s HOPE.
Then and Now: What’s Changed, What Hasn’t
I started this work in the 1980s, running Youthworks’ first shelter for runaway youth. At the time, leaving home without permission was technically illegal — a status offense. And many youth were sent to juvenile detention for it. Families were told they were doing it wrong. Youth were told to calm down, go home, and behave. And very few people stopped to ask, “What’s actually going on underneath all of this?”
More than 40 years later, some of those same misunderstandings still exist — but the context is even more complex. Today’s youth are growing up in a world where:
- Their relationships exist beyond family and school. Their social lives are online, global, and sometimes invisible to adults.
- Their risks are amplified. Traffickers and exploiters are more connected, more anonymous, and more manipulative than ever.
- Their parents are under enormous stress. Many are navigating trauma, addiction, housing insecurity, or mental health struggles of their own.
- Their needs haven’t changed — but their options have. And when they can’t find hope at home, they go looking for it elsewhere.
Why Youth Run
It’s rarely just one thing. It’s almost never “just being dramatic.” Youth run because they don’t believe anything is going to change. Because they feel unsafe, unheard, or unimportant. Because they’ve already tried to explain what’s going on — and no one listened.
Most runaway youth don’t want to talk about why they left. But the story is always deeper than it looks. Sometimes they’re fleeing abuse or neglect. Sometimes they’re caught in an escalating family conflict. Sometimes they’re trying to find connection that they’ve never really felt — anywhere. And when adults treat it like a personal failure or a rule violation, we miss the real point: running away is about wanting to belong somewhere. Wanting to feel safe, seen, and valued. That’s not a behavior to punish. That’s a need to respond to.
What I’ve Seen After 40 Years
When I first started listening, I didn’t see defiance. I saw hopelessness. And over time, I also saw resilience. I saw youth who wanted things to be different. I saw families who were desperate for any way to reconnect. And I saw something else too.
I’ve also sat with parents — parents who felt like failures, parents who had reached their limit, parents who thought they’d already “lost” their kid. But they hadn’t. They were showing up in the only way they could. And often, they were desperate for one thing: “I just want to know they’re okay.”
Sometimes, things at home can get better — with support, time, and tools. But not always. Sometimes abuse continues. Sometimes addiction or untreated mental illness creates chaos. Sometimes parents just can’t show up differently right now. And in those moments, youth still need hope. They need to find belonging somewhere. To find purpose in new spaces. To give back, make connections, and believe in something more than survival. That’s what we work toward every day. That’s what Youth HOPE Month is all about.
What the Community Can Do
We can’t keep letting runaway youth stay invisible. And we can’t keep blaming families who are already trying their best. Here’s what we can do instead:
This Is Youth HOPE Month
This month isn’t just a campaign. It’s a reminder of what youth and families really need when things fall apart. They don’t need more judgment. They don’t need isolation or shame. They need people who listen. People who offer safety. People who help them believe in the possibility of healing — even if it doesn’t happen right away.
That’s what 40 years of listening has taught me. That’s what this work is about. And that’s what we’re celebrating as we step into the next 40 years.
Create climates of belonging in schools. What tone do we set? Are we celebrating connection or enforcing conformity?
Watch for isolation. Who is sitting alone? Who’s not showing up? Who is always “fine” but never talks?
Avoid judgment. Every youth carries a story — and most of us don’t know the chapters that came before today.
Talk about what’s changed. Don’t assume parents are “checked out” — many are just overwhelmed by a world they didn’t grow up in.
Support parents. The best prevention for youth running away is often found in rebuilding trust at home. But many caregivers are tired, scared, and don’t know where to turn.
About the Author
A message from Mark Heinert, Executive Director
Runaway youth don’t need hiding places. They need safe people — people who will notice when something’s off, people who will ask questions without judgment, and people who will hold space without demanding quick fixes.
As a community, we can’t always solve the problems youth are running from. But we can make sure they’re not running alone. We can partner with schools to foster belonging. We can train mentors and volunteers to recognize early signs of crisis. We can check in with families who seem overwhelmed. And we can make sure that every young person knows — no matter what they’re facing — they matter here.
One of the most powerful ways to show up is through mentoring. Youthworks mentors — including those who serve through AmeriCorps — help create steady, caring relationships that remind youth they are seen, valued, and capable of more than survival. In the coming months, we’ll be launching new mentoring opportunities in Bismarck, Fargo, and Minot, and we’re inviting community members to be part of that effort. Whether you have a few hours a week or a consistent schedule to offer, your presence can make a difference.
You don’t need to be a professional to be part of the solution. You just need to care enough to show up, listen, and connect youth to people who can help. We’ve seen what happens when that kind of support shows up at the right time — it changes the outcome. Let’s keep choosing that.
